Est-ce que Je Suis Fou?
if u're wondering what that means..thats french for 'Am I Insane?' actually,i was trying to go for 'Am I Crazy?' but it came out as 'Am I Insane?' guess it'll still work the same lar. Sometimes,i really wonder and ask myself...am i crazy/insane/weird?!?! and honestly,i cant answer that question..so is that a sign that i am crazy/insane/weird?!?! how do u describe crazy/insane/weird? well,maybe its easy to describe crazy & insane. :) but what about weird?? who is to say who is weird?
i always...well,most of the time i keep thinking of things that never happen or things that i'm really afraid of happening. i wonder if there are people like me on this planet..and if there is..could those people please share with me how u deal with stuffs like these?!?!?! it's really frustrating when i do it even when i try consciously not to do it. sigh...i sense my emotional graph going downhill soon. it's kinda on the climax/top of the hill already. if u were reading my blogs since i started u would have noticed that i was pretty happy during the past week..maybe it was also bcoz i just got back from a holiday in pulau lang tengah with my church friends. now,things are starting to go back to normal and i just started my 2nd semester..so i guess the graph is going thru its natural motion. Up and down, up and down, that's what makes the world go round. [If you have watched 'The Sword In The Stone' cartoon as many times as i have then u'll get understand where this sentence came from. :)]
sigh...i wonder,can we ever control how we feel? do humans actually have control? To decide how or what they want to feel? if u cant,does that make u weird/crazy/insane? I've come to realise as well that music do play a very big part on how u feel too..well,for me when i'm feeling sad..slow songs are the only thing that i'll listen to..ie: Vonda Shepard, Shawn Colvin, Lisa Loeb & etc.etc. Yeah,i know people will say,just dont listen to them...try to change to something thats upbeat..well,yeah..try saying that when u're in that position,man. Don't just say things just for the sake of saying things,man..
u know most people that try to console u or try to give u 'positive' suggestions when u're down and out are always saying things that are really easier said than done..they really tick me off even more sometimes and that is the worse feeling ever...u're already sad at that point of time and they make u pissed..so u're sad and angry at the same time and there's no point of release for those feelings...i mean,yeah u can go and say 'Why don't you step into my shoes and try saying those words you've just said to me and try it yourself?' sometimes when i am in that situation..i really wanted to do that but i realise...just let it go,man..no use burning someone else just coz u're in a bad mood or a sad situation and that person ticked u off or caught u at the wrong time..
i know i've actually burned some people that caught me at the wrong time..and thats why i can say that its really not a good thing to do..even though u're so tempted to do so...u just really sigh...cant control ur emotions...so thats why it comes back to the question... 'Est-ce que Je Suis Fou?' sigh,dont mind me..its just that emotional downhill of me doing all the talking now..so could anybody answer that question for me after reading this blog? thats why i really cant describe myself..well,maybe for some stuffs of me i could but honestly i think i'm really really unstable. :) so stick around and be the judge yourself if u wanna know me. :) but then again..who would actually want to know me...ok ok..God knows me..blah,blah,blah...i'm really sorry but i'm really not in the holy,holy,spiritual point right now..so dont give me all the spiritual talk about how and what and why and things that u should do or think..coz it's not gonna work.
Well,its just me..maybe its different with other people...
oh yeah,well..the kinda high point of my evening was when i saw a comment posted by a stranger that found my blog..which was something suprising for me coz i didnt realise someone would actually be able to find my blog..anyways,i'm guessing it's a 'she' coz of her name Caressa...apparently after reading my blogs,she found that our interests are parallel to each other even though we're so far apart. so i guess that was kinda interesting for me coz it didnt really dawn on me that there are people on this planet that might be like a replica of ur own self...well,in interest anyway. :)
well,i better stop now...gotta wake up early for class tomorrow. Gotta pick up Li Ann on the way to college and maybe have breakfast before we leave PJ and head for CyberJaya..sigh,what a long drive..i just hope i dont forget to bring whatever important things that i'll need else i'll just to take a super-duper long drive back home and to college again. What dodo-head..sigh. Well,good night people or good morning to those on the west-side. Peace,my brothers.
"You're only given a little spark of madness. You mustn't lose it."
-Robin Williams (1951 - )-
This entry was posted
on Monday, August 23, 2004 at 8/23/2004 10:54:00 PM.
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