Je veux aller loin d'ici, loin loin d'ici!
Currently Listening To : Dimitri From Paris.
This painting above can also be found at KarangKraf on Jalan Conlay i think..well,somewhere around that place lar..in the same vicinity as Bon Ton and Top Hat..Really nice painting..i think if u admire at this painting for u..its quite hypnotic,dont u think? :) Sometimes i think art has a calming effect..well,for me i think it..besides music..but i guess music do effect u more...guess its cause what u hear is more effective than what u see..Anyways,good painting. :) Enjoy.
Just got back from my friend's place..didnt go for Christmas practice cause my friend had a house warming party for her new place at erm..i want to say Damansara Damai but i'm not sure..but i do know that its the area opposite SierraMas in Sungai Buloh. :) Had to go cause she already told my old school friend and i like 1 month ago..so couldnt back out of it. Pretty interesting place..there were like 2 other house warming party in her area..so i guess today must be a very good day in the chinese calendar to have a party. Lots of her father's friends and relatives around..so not many of us, her school friends around..but it was quite fun..chatting and catching up with each other..We pooled some $$ and bought her a desk fan if thats what's it called..dont think she needed it though but it was the thought that matters. :)
Today was pretty slow..woke up still thinking alot about moving or doing something about what happened last night. Was thinking alot also about my final assignments and what can i do with the ideas i have already in my head..its just that i'm still trying to get things onto paper and my execution of the work is really really not good..i do have good ideas but when i pen it down or when i draw it on paper..i spoil the idea and thats no use..it doesnt matter how good ur idea is..its how well u can actually put ur ideas into action or paper..that is what separates the artists from the amateurs and useless bums..i believe that everybody has good ideas in their minds most of the time..well,when they give the ideas more thought but its when u get it out and into action or whatever..then thats when the real test begins.
Gonna work more on the drafts for the Christmas flyers later..already have some but i think i need more so that when most of them get rejected,i still have alot more to show tomorrow..i think after all this..i'll just move..move to somewhere where i can just forget about everything and start afresh..but where can i go? what should i do? die? hmmm,that sounds so nice right now..Ironically, tomorrow there's gonna be a baptism service after the main service around 12pm..other people's gonna start a new life and i want to end it..interesting how life works huh. :) Being very very negative right now arent i? Well,thats just me i guess..emotional to the maximum..not mature enough to even control my own emotions..and i tried to start a relationship with another person..someone that i love..how could i have even said i love that person when i'm such a loser myself? thinking that i can actually be in a relationship? what the hell was i thinking? Cant even take care of myself right now..Yet right now i still love this person very much..but is it really love? Who decides if it is love that u're feeling?
How can one even be in love when their emotional state is so erratic? Can one be in love when they cant even control their emotions? When their emotions run wild like fire? Maybe i should stop now..i should go work on the Christmas flyer drafts and my assignments..dont feel like sleeping right now..really want to have a fag right now..Most of my course-mates have been offering me some..Why not i say..everything else hasnt worked for me..Everything that i've tried has gone down the drain..How can one get so depressed and negative in just one night? Is there something wrong with me? There is something wrong with me..something really really wrong. Maybe if i go away,go somewhere new..away from all this hurt and all this feeling of love..How can i even say such a thing? How can one be hurt and feel love at the same time?
I was rejected like 3 times by that person before she accepted me..but til today i'm still not sure if she did accept my love..how inmature am i to be still thinking about her when its already been 2 years since she ended her relationship with me..Yeah,i kept track..crazy? yeah,out of my mind..can you actually be in love for that long? but then again..did i really love her? do i actually still love her right now? All the things i do or say doesnt seem to show that..well,at least thats how all the books on dating and love says..it seems that from the books that i've read that if u cant be happy for the person that u love even if it means that she's not gonna be with u..then its not really love..so does that mean..that what i feel right now for her isnt love? but why do i still love her?
Alot of questions for one night huh..Man,where did this side of me come from? Did i avoid this side of me for so long? Or did i just find out about this whole new side? Or is it the same side but i've never seen it this way? Maybe i'm just asking too many questions huh..All this time,i keep thinking i'm in a better place..but no,i've been lying to myself all this time..how can i be in a better place when i'm not a better person..All this time,i try to be someone that actually i'm not..Who am i? What have i become? I thought i knew myself..but in reality,i'm a stranger.
Gonna stop now..this post is getting too emotional i think..maybe this post will be the beginning of the end for this blog. Who knows..let just wait and see..
"If I could drop dead right now, I'd be the happiest man alive."
-Samuel Goldwyn; US (Polish-born) movie producer (1882 - 1974)-
This entry was posted
on Saturday, October 23, 2004 at 10/23/2004 11:58:00 PM.
You can skip to the end and leave a response.
» Post a Comment