dDoinkster Speaks

Calvin & Hobbes - 290893, originally uploaded by hanlian.

Good morning..woke up with a bad headache. think i must have over-wished being sick so that i can skip class today. sigh,how useless/lame can a person get? Yes,as u can tell from the statement above..i'm not feeling very perky today. but this strip from Calvin & Hobbes did cheer me up abit as they always do. :)

Told my dad about the SLR camera that i needed to buy last night when he was watching the olympics. Think he wasnt really that happy about me having to spend money again. Sigh,am i in the wrong field? Did i make a wrong decision in changing from a cheap computer studies course in Informatics to a super duper expensive multimedia course in LUCT? What is wrong with me?

Sigh,ever since i started this course..all i've ever been doing is asking for more money to buy more art materials. i think til today,i've spent more here in just 1 and 1/2 semester than what i've spent in Informatics for 3 years. Really,can anyone tell me..did i make the right decision? the amount i've paid for all the art materials,i think can be equivalent to the amount i need to pay for one semester in Informatics.

What am i doing with my life? Does this mean that you can't do what you really love to do but instead u'll have to choose what is affordable and not really in ur interest? What is my interest? What have i been doing with my life? Sigh,so many questions that nobody can answer..not even myself.

Have i done anything that i can be proud of? All these years, people have been telling me.."oh,you have a temper better keep it in check." or "why did u do this, or why did u do that?" See,what does that tell u? What a useless life i've been living...oh sure,u can say..i'm a christian..that must mean something. yeah,right..i've not shared to anyone before. what do i do? i try to serve by playing the guitar which i'm not really good at. i try to serve in doing the multimedia but i suck at trying to keep the files in order. What else have i done wrong in this life? I couldnt even start to count cause i'd be sleeping from all the counting.

Yeah,very depressed i am today. Well,its just me. As i look back through all these 22 years i've been alive on this earth,i've nothing to be proud of. I screwed up all the relationships that i had. Couldn't even make a relationship work cause all i did was force someone into loving me and in the end,she realised that she loved another person. The girl rejected me 3 times,man.. 3 TIMES! wouldnt a sane man take that BIG hint and stop haressing her? But no,i just went on and one like a stalker. And whats the consequences of being a stalker? The girl leaves u cause you're not the one she actually loves.

Yeah,i know..i'm really really very insane right now. Feeling so useless and lame and such a big fat @$$hole. Still gonna go and get the SLR camera in the afternoon and later in the evening there's a stagnight thing for Nelson. He's getting married next week to Yvonne. I'm gonna be playing the guitar again and taking care of the music. Hope that event will cheer me up. Else it'll be back to thinking about ending my own life..which isn't the first time.

Come to think of it..it's really not a bad idea. what's the use of being alive when u have NOTHING to show for..what is wrong with me? Sigh,well..thats me and this blogs is only for me to read..so whoever u are. Don't judge me for who i am; take a walk in my life, be in my position and be who i am. Have fun.

oh yeah, if u havent figured out what "Pourquoi Est-ce que Je Suis Si Inutile?" means it just wraps up what i've been talking about this whole blog. "Why am i so useless?" Enjoy the day,my friends..maybe the comic strip will cheer up ur day.

"Our doubts are traitors,
And make us lose the good we oft might win
By fearing to attempt."
-William Shakespeare, "Measure for Measure", Act 1 scene 4; Greatest English dramatist & poet (1564 - 1616)-

This entry was posted on Monday, August 30, 2004 at 8/30/2004 10:15:00 AM. You can skip to the end and leave a response.