Pourquoi tellement douleur?
Currently Listening To : Sunday Morning - Maroon 5
Happy Chinese New Year to all. :) Man,i've been not blogging for so long. ;) Funny thing is that i dont really feel the addiction that much this time round. Guess it must be all the 'angpows' (red packets) and all the good food that distracted me. hehe. :P Kinda lost though cause dont know what to say or where to start. :) Anyways,yesterday finally got back to college already..had to register for classes. Imagine my suprise when i have to take 11 subjects this semester which amounts to 25 credits..yeah,thats suppose to be about double or triple the workload that i've had last year..Sigh,so thats what happens when u fail ur subjects instead of passing them. ;) Gonna try to work something out so that i dont have to take all 11 subjects this semester..man,i'll be dead before i even finish the semester. :P Gotta get back to LUCT this friday afternoon for some briefing cause i think because we're officially with RMIT this semester, they want to lay down the ground rules and how the system work so that we dont screw ourselves because we didnt know how things work. :D
The new year was ok,alot of things happened and i'm still trying to adjust to it..cant imagine that we're already passing february and march is on its way..sigh,i think before i know it another would have passed me..and i would still be the bum that i am now, still in college while all my other friends and the people i know around me have moved on. What am i doing with myself? There must be something seriously wrong with me..Man,here comes the depression..Think i'll go take a good drive around..been awhile since i've done that..maybe cause i didnt have to take that drive around. Thinking about rearranging the furniture in my room and maybe put in some new stuffs and move out some of the other stuffs that i dont need. Wonder if i can get it all done before the end of next week cause i have a feel that i'm gonna get busy again with college starting next Monday when we have our first classes. Man,i really wish i could just be at some island working and not having such stress and worries. Abit too early to be day-dreaming huh. ;)
Joined Fitness First on Tuesday.. ;) Still miss my kickboxing though,maybe i'll go do kickboxing as well but just maybe once a week cause it'll involve alot $$$ since i have to pay RM147 each month for Fitness First and i still need $$ for food and daily expenses. Really enjoyed myself at the gym even though i'm still abit shy when i'm there cause i'm quite conscious about the people around me..looking and doing whatever..yeah,yeah..i know that shouldnt matter but somehow i've always worried myself with what people think of me. Wonder what happened last time that made me turn to this direction? :D Gonna go to the gym later, hopefully i'll get to work on my upper body but it's still hurting from the workout i had on tuesday..Maybe i am really out of shape since i've stopped my kickboxing classes last November. ;)
Wonder why i'm mentioning this but that 'someone' that i've been so happy with for the past 2 months and missed so much when i was in Bali is now not with me..things just didnt work out as how we would have like it to,guess thats just how things work huh..Kinda felt something was wrong since february,tried to change and did the best but guess it wasnt good enough..it seems that 'someone' felt that she was distant whenever we talk on the phone..or maybe things just wasnt meant to be..Man,what is wrong with me? Relationships never worked out for me..counting this and i'm already with 3 failed relationships. Why keep count u may ask? i dont know. Should it matter if i had loved and lost 3 times? Why do people still try when they know that if they fail it'll hurt so much that they should have been taught a lesson to not take anymore risks? Too many questions, too much hurt to even start thinking about it. Going for my drive to the bank soon. Need to get the bank to stamp my authorization letter so that Fitness First can start sucking $$ from my bank account each month to pay for the gym fees.
Wonder when will this pain end? Sucks so much that i just wanna take a puff,man..yeah,yeah..not a good thing to say since i'm going to church and its not a good testimony..wonder why i still go? I'm not doing much good to the church or for the church..Why do i still wake up early each Sunday morning? Yeah,this is how depressed Sanguines can become i think..or maybe its just me. The photo is of a really nice and cute keychain teddy from 'someone'. Cute huh. ;) So have a great day,people. "Au revoir, mes amis."
"Never pretend to a love which you do not actually feel, for love is not ours to command."
-Alan Watts-
This entry was posted
on Thursday, February 17, 2005 at 2/17/2005 11:33:00 AM.
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